Good Mom / Bad Mom

April 27, 2009 by Nicole
Filed under: dc metro moms

I have my good days… and I have my bad days.

Don’t you love those days that are terrific? When everything falls into place at just the right time: everyone is happy, the house is clean, the wash is done and folded, dinner is planned and you’re doing an educational art project with your son? I have days like that… sometimes. And on days like that I say to myself,

‘I have got this mom-thing down!’

Most days are pretty much like that, without the laundry getting done, and my son and I doing something together, although it is not always an educational art project…

And then there are days that are not-so-good.

On these days I forget to do something, my son is cranky, or we are out-of-sync or all of the above.

I give myself a break on the forgetting part because we all know that you just become more forgetful once you give birth, it must be one of those left-brain/right-brain things… I don’t know, I forget.

But anyway- on the incredibly harried days I think to myself,

‘How can I possibly be so inept at something I’ve been doing 24/7 for 5 years?!…’

Does this happen to anyone else?!!

My thoughts usually get better in a little while, when a tantrum is over, or I realize that you can’t always have a logical discussion with a 5-year-old…

And then I realize that I am unconsciously basing my net worth on if my child is happy, and fed, and not tired and cranky…

And this is not totally out-of-line, because I can control/fix/remedy most of these scenarios… And it’s my job.

But I shouldn’t get frustrated with myself, if my son isn’t thrilled about eating lima beans.

My mood is so affected by my little guy’s.

If he’s having a good day, I’m having a good day. When he gets excited about something, I do too.

If he’s sick, I might as well be…

I wonder if this ever changes? The way my mother looks at me sometimes, I don’t think it does…

I am constantly reminded of the overwhelmingly ENORMOUS amount of love,

that my heart can generate for such a little human being…

Love is powerful, however. It’s been written about for centuries…

So it’s no surprise that then he smiles, and it’s a good day again.

An abbreviated version of this can be read at DC Metro Moms.