Healthy Eating… According to my ‘Ideal’ Doctor

March 23, 2009 by
Filed under: Food and Drink 

         I am on strictly no-carbs this week to lose a few pounds that have snuck up on me.  No-carb eating can be rough, I know this from experience, but it takes off pounds like nothing else I’ve found.  So- an egg for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a protein and veggie for dinner (tonight we’re having chicken and tomatoes stuffed with mozzarella).  To drink: tea and water.  It leaves one wanting a little more, but pounds drop off.  I lost 15 pounds 2 years ago, and I’ve kept it off.  So I know, when a few, and I mean 3, pounds sneak up on me- this works.  

With that said, here is what my ideal doctor would say to me about healthy eating:

         *ME:  Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

Dr: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).  And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

ME:  Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

Dr: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.  Beer is also made out of grain.   Bottoms up!!

ME:  How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

Dr: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc.

ME:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

Dr: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!  …Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

Dr:  Are you crazy?  HELLO, Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!  It’s the best feel-good food around!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND…

For those of you who watch what you eat , here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

 

*this has been adapted from one of those mass-forwarded emails that I seem to discover on Monday mornings :)

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Comments

2 Comments on Healthy Eating… According to my ‘Ideal’ Doctor

  1. Leticia- Tech Savvy Mama on Mon, 23rd Mar 2009 8:54 pm

    2. Wow! Good for you for keeping off your 15 lbs! I’m doing the Shred and hoping it makes a difference. And I love the final word on nutrition and health! Funny and so true!

  2. Mel @ A Box of Chocolates on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 5:53 pm

    3. This is hilarious! I am changing doctors now. This post made me laugh so much that I am linking up to it for my next Sunday Stars. Congrats on the loss of 15lb and keeping it off. I tried the no carbs and it is tough especially since I’m a bread, potatoe, and pasta girl. You did give me an idea though because I have lost 40lb and only have 10 to go, but they don’t want to come off. Maybe I should give the no carb a try for a week or two and see if it helps. I’ll keep you posted!

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